All Those Lovely Love Songs - Depressing

When I get into one of my 'depressed' moods, I draw parallels to my life from all the sad love songs I hear.


"All I Ever Wanted"
Train





You were my ticket outta here
And I was your dream come true
You gave me everything I ever wanted
Except for you

I convinced myself that over don't mean over
And I convinced myself that I could fix it all
Two dreams collided maybe we got too excited for our own good

No more - hold on we can make it
No more holding each other while the words all break it
Move on you know we'll be stronger in the end

Now I convinced myself that nothing could ever tear me away
And I convinced myself that we'd look back and laugh at this one day
Two lives collidin' baby
We got too excited for our own good

No more - hold on we can make it
No more holding our breath while the truth all breaks it
Move on ya know we'll be stronger in the end

Hey wait hey don't you know that this is where the whole thing went wrong
Hey wait hey don't you wanna hear what I have to say
Hey wait hey don't you know that this is where the strong go on

And all I ever wanted
All I ever wanted
All I ever wanted
Was you

No more - hold on we can make it
No more holding each other while the world tries to break us
Move on ya know we'll be stronger in the end

Hey wait hey don't you know that this is where the whole thing went wrong
Hey wait hey don't you wanna hear what I have to say
Hey wait hey don't you know this is where the strong will go on

And all I ever wanted
All I ever wanted
All I ever wanted
Was you

RIP Tigger

When I was five, my parents brought home a tiny little tiger kitten; I named him Tigger (yes, Tigger the Tiger). He was so small, he could fit into a wool hat. And he didn't meow right away, he made a small "eap" type noise. Tig would walk around the apartment "eaping" his little heart out.

When my mother first married Ron, we lived in his "bachelor pad." A second floor, two bedroom apartment with a deck. One day, Tigger and I went out on the deck and found a rather large ant. After a few investigative sniffs, the small kitten ate the ant. I don't think he liked it much, but like a champ he kept it down - protein, you know. At that young age, it appeared he was destined to be a great adventurer.

When we moved to Clifton Street, we used to go on walks through the woods in the backyard, and out to the Manchester Reservoir. Tigger would trot along behind us to the water. More often, Ron would go out to the water with his dog, Shelby, and Tigger would trot out behind them. Tigger was an outdoor cat, so I'm sure he found adventures out on his own as well.

He was also my partner-in-crime. One night, before I was old enough to drive, I got angry at my mom. I left the house and walked out to the woods. Right at the edge, there was a small tree that's trunk branched out perfectly for me to sit on. I grabbed Tigger and we sat up in that tree as the sky continued to grow darker. My mom took Gretel, her Shih Tzu, for a 'walk' around the yard; Tigger and I sat in the tree and watched her. Next, Ron came outside with Gretel and walked around the backyard. Tigger and I still sat in the tree and watched. After a while, Tig and I grew tired of sitting in the tree and went in the house.

Well, everyone experiences the ultimate end to their childhood at some point, for me, it was last night when my mother confirmed that Tigger had been put down on Wednesday. At 20-years-old, he was an old man. A very old man, and he had the rickety bones of age. When cats get old, sometimes they start to even get crusty; Tig had been growing crusty for a while now, and after a long, happy, and very much loved life, it had been closing in on his time to go. I expected it, not that it makes it any less sad.

Tigger was an important part of my childhood. A pet that brought me from a young age, through into adulthood. I now live away from home, my old bedroom in my parents' house no longer feels like escape, and nothing of mine remains there (except one box of kid books my mom hopes I forget are there). I know I've been gone for a while, but Tigger still felt like my childhood, my little man. He trusted me more than he trusted anyone else - there had to be a reason for that. And it was this feeling of comfort knowing he was still there.

When the subject was first broached, I yelled into the phone at my mother, "What are you telling me? Is he dead?" moments after she had just told me he was fine. With tears streaming down my cheeks, I could barely control my sudden burst of fearful rage. For an intense moment, I was convinced I was being lied to. This was maybe a few weeks ago. She had simply wanted to know if I wished to be told when the day was to come so I could come home to say good-bye to him. At first I told her I'd rather just cry after. Then I realized that I wanted to be able to say good-bye before he went. I wanted to make sure he knew that I loved him, one final time.

On that last visit, Tigger and I sat outside in the sun and hung out. In the grass, I petted his soft head and he pushed his weakening body into mine for comfort. I do miss him; he was a fantastic cat. He was strong, handsome, and playful 'til the very end.

I love you, Tig. RIP.

Running for Charity

Finished a race for charity: Red Dress Run.

Check out my running blog for details: Dodging Cars



Updated 101 in 1001: My List!

Weight

I weighed myself a few weeks ago and what I saw appear by my toes in the little window mortified me. My weight has been up and down a lot in the past year and a half, but that day it was up. I'm done with that and I obviously need some change. I joined Weight Watchers again.

I've weighed in twice so far, not counting my first weigh in, and in those two weeks I've lost 4.4lbs. Not bad. :) I'll be excited when I cross the threshold down below the 10s I'm currently in.

KANSAS

Oh Dear! I nearly forgot to update, but I went to Kasas to see Amie in January. Our friend Catherine came as well.

This was also my very first solo flight - I did very well, of course, and did not get lost for even a moment.

I got on the plane at 11AM Friday (the 15th I believe) and was in Kansas around 5:30PM. Very long day - but very worth it. Amie and her mother came to pick up Catherine and me from the airport. The mother part I was a little surprised at, but come to find out she'd been there for the few weeks prior as well. That night, Amie's boyfriend, now fiance, made us all dinner; it was delishious.

The next day us girls got our nails done and then we all, meaning Amie, myself, Catherine, Amie's mother, Garret (Amie's fiance) and Garret's two girls, went out to dinner. After dinner, we hung out for a while and met Amie's brother out at a bar. Amie's mom watched the girls. The bar was fun, very much like any other bar I've been to. It took a while for the place to fill up and then a little longer for people to actually start dancing. I definately hit a wall - hard - before everyone else and just wanted to go to bed. Such a downer! Haha.

We spent Sunday night in a hotel. Amie got us a room with one King size bed so "no one would have to sleep alone." While Catherine and I appreciate Amie's concern for making someone sleep alone - we both do that on a regular basis and are completely okay with that situation. We made Amie sleep in the middle.

Monday, we trekked back to the airport. Catherine had an earlier flight then I did so we dropped her off and Amie showed me around the city a little bit.

Well, now I got to see where my best friend has been living for almost two years. It was a lot of fun and hopefully I can save up to do it again.

Dirty Jerz

I've been to yet another state!

This past weekend I went with a few friends down New Jersey for an evening of adventure (to say the least). Another friend, Jamie, lives down there and works at the Northern New Jersey office branch of my company.

We left Connecticut about 2:00PM on Saturday and headed on our way. We did hit a little traffic, but we made good time. My friend's apartment is amazing! Super put together and classy. My apartment always looks like I'm a hermit... things in random places.

Basically, we walked in the door, hung out for a few minutes, and went to the packie for booze. We walked back in the door and commenced drinking. After a while of drinking, we went out to dinner. Went back to the apartment, and then went to a bar. Casual.

The bar we went to after dinner was pretty cool-Jersey Boys. The bartender was this big dude who was pretty nice and gave us all a few free drinks. I guess I can blow up his spot a little and announce that he was fired from his last job for shitting in a glass and essentially giving it to his boss after she pissed him off. I think it's funny how open people are with me.

The ride back took twice as long as the ride there. To be honest, I don't think I could do the drive on my own. So many turns and so much traffic. It was fun to people watch in the traffic though. One car had somehow managed to run over it's own bumper. This driver decided to hang out in the passing lane while the bumper lay securely under his car. My feelings were that maybe he should have gotten out and attempted to remove it-although it's possible he had tried and failed some time ago. Doubtful.

We didn't spend much time in Jersey, or maybe we didn't spend much time experiencing the Jerz soberly in the sunlight. The best part of being in New Jersey was definitely getting to see my friend.

Mmm.. FOOD

I've been to another restaurant! Nordelli's in Middletown.

I was told by a co-worker that this place was "amazing" so I knew I had to experience it. Walking into the place, I instantly saw what was so different about it. Normally in a sandwich shop there may be a deli case, and in this deli case is usually just salad and dessert choices. This place differed in that within this deli case, with the desserts and salads, all the sandwich fillings were placed in troths. For example, if you wanted a buffalo chicken sandwich, the cook behind the counter would go into the deli case and take out the buffalo chicken (from the 20 other pre-buffalo'ed chicken pieces) and heat it up. While this seems strange, well, it kind of is. I got the buffalo chicken sandwich with tomato, onions, and blue cheese. The chicken, although it was alright in the taste department, was soggy. I tend to like my fried chicken with a little crunch. My friend got a pulled BBQ pork sandwich and she stated she had enjoyed it.

To be honest, if I ever go back it will only be to try a HUGE cannoli.