Helpless (not for the weak)

I've never felt so helpless in my life.

This past weekend, Rain got sick. Not only did he throw up all his dinner and breakfast on Saturday afternoon, he started a horrible bout of diarrhea. I made him some boiled beef and rice and he ate that all up Saturday night and I felt all was good.

About 3am Sunday morning I woke up startled to Rain puking. I opened his crate, he ran out, and I began to pull out his bedding in a daze. In the darkness of my bedroom, the bottom blanket got stuck on the sides within the metal. I started to cry. My mom, who had been visiting and had a flight home in a few hours, wanted to know if she could help.

I finally got the blanket out and found a puddle of blood just outside my bedroom, with a few dribbles around it. In the living room was two very large puke stains on the rug. My body and mind can't function in the morning on a good day, this was too much. Blood. "Is that from one of the cats?" asked my mother. No. There was blood stuck to the fur on Rain's bottom.

I brought him with me when I dropped my mother off at the airport, and we went back to bed as soon as we got home. He slept for another few hours.

When we got up, he wouldn't eat. If he drank some water, it came right back up.

When we went outside to use the bathroom (which we did about every two hours), he would squeeze and push and his little legs would shake as a small amount of liquid and blood would come out of his rear end. He would struggle like this three times each time.

I did some research, only finding the worst case scenario with treatment I couldn't afford. After an internal struggle, I chose the home remedy. Grocery store to get Pedialyte and Pepto.

I used baby syringes to try and force feed him both of these things - he's a struggler. He would move around and hide his face (sometimes he would hide his face into me). Soon after her would throw it all up anyway. I found that putting a bit of Pepto on my finger and sticking it on his teeth (with struggle) was all I could do. And I could only give him a very small amount of Pedialyte at a time. But I kept giving him small amounts.

By the end of the day, he was starting to seem a little more like the wiggle nugget he typically is and was actually holding down water. By evening he was even eating some of his kibble (I was afraid to give him too much). And he seemed to like the organic baby food sweet potato I bought him. His number two was still no good.

He did sleep through the night. But wouldn't eat in the morning before I left for work, and his number two still was no good. I thought about him all day, sure I was going to come home to blood and puke everywhere. Knowing there was nothing I could do until then; and trying to decide what I would do then.

Wow, did my apartment smell when I got home. I found a semi-solid small poo on my living room floor. And he did a small amount of poo I could actually pick up when I first took him out too. Gross, but progress. And then I found a nice puke stain running down my couch (that's older than I am) down onto the floor. Open all windows and patio door. Light all candles. Hope for the best! He had eaten all his breakfast! And, hey, little wiggle butt was back in full force! His personality is back and he ate all his supper (so far it's still with him). Unfortunately, the last time I took him out he struggled and struggled but couldn't poo.

It's so hard to care for a being when that being can't tell you how he's feeling. I couldn't tell him it would be okay - I didn't even know if it was going to be okay. I just watched him and felt so helpless. Heartbreaking for sure. Or maybe I was just overreacting (not something rare for me). If I had a tummy ache and diarrhea, I wouldn't think anything of it (past the complaining I would have shared with everyone who'd listen).

I don't even know what happened. Something he ate? A bug from another dog? Stress from being kenneled?

Hopefully tomorrow will be better.